Hitting a Brick Wall

Owww. It sucks.

Chinese Take-Away History

I once had a high school teacher tell me life is like Chinese history- it operates in concentric circles. I remember the comment being rather random (which is probably why I remember it). Thinking back, I think she really wasn't talking about world history. She had said it during a time of great personal doubt and anxiety over direction (although if you were to confront me then I would deny it).

(Not to derail my initial train of thought, but I guess I should make a note about the significant gap between postings [save for that one micro-rant earlier this year]. Three years ago I was entering one of the most tumultuous periods in my life. I was in denial about many issues and sadden at my state of affairs. By no means is it over, but I now have some clarity and the fortitude to meet it head on. All this could not have been possible if it were not for a fortunate change in events…which leads me back to Chinese history.)

"Life is like Chinese History- it runs in concentric circles." While it really does have to do with actual history, Chinese or otherwise, I dare say she was somewhat right (oddly, she was one of my least favored teachers, her sister, my favorite). Over 20 years have passed since and only is it now making sense. I was recently reminded of this when Fortune finally found me worthy. While commenting on a friend’s Facebook post, I noticed he is friends with someone who has been on my mind for years. We became very good friends around the 8th or 9th grade then dated a year later during the summer I spent with my aunt. For all intents and purposes, he was my first boyfriend and it was wonderful in as much as it was frightening. I was confused as I was thinking one thing but doing quite another…another thread for another time, I suppose. (I am rather shocked I just realized this. Logically it makes sense since I never saw anyone before other than a movie with guy friends). Unlike most high school “relationships” which go down in a ball of burning fury, ours didn’t. It drifted. I think it was our junior year when he went onto a college preparatory school whereas I chose to stay at the traditional high school (by choice). I saw him most mornings and we talked before he went on to school, but by our senior year, we were fully engaged elsewhere. After high school I stayed home to complete all my core classes before I went off to “the big college” far, far away (like the next state) and worked in a tobacco store at the local mall. One day, when I least expected it, he came into my store in a crackerjack uniform. It piqued my interest, but I didn’t ask. I was just so happy to see him and more interested in how he was- so much so it never dawned upon me to give him my contact information. After that, I neither saw nary a hair nor hide of him- until recently. Eighteen-plus years have passed (and never was there a time when I didn’t think of him or wonder what he was doing-especially when I was in a bad state) and he once again circles back into my life. I saw him on FB on a friend’s page and decided to take a chance and “friended” him. For a few months communication was sparse. In the pit of my stomach I felt there was something amiss. I eventually sent him an email basically asking one thing: “Do you ever wonder what happened to us in high school?” I didn’t hear anything and assumed I probably went too far- he was married with children after all. The unsettled feeling still remained however. Then out of the blue, I received a short email from him confirming the unsettled feeling. A couple of months passed and again, out of the blue, I heard from him - asking if I would like to meet him for dinner. I didn’t think twice before accepting. We had a wonderful time talking for hours about the last 18 years. It is uncanny what similar lives we have lived until this point. While the sordid details are not important, the fact we have been on parallel planes is. We both realized this and believe there is something much deeper than anything we have ever understood in the 22 years we have known each other. We realized our lives have been in concentric circles- like Chinese history.